3 Ways to Befriend Your Fear
Boo! Is fear working for you, against you, or both?
Today is Halloween in much of the western world. The holiday is a reminder that sometimes we enjoy ‘negative’ emotions such as fear. Sometimes, in fact, we pay good money to be scared, whether by a horror movie, haunted house, or dark video game.
Can Fear Help at Work?
Has work ever made you afraid? I know its made me fearful, and I know I’m not alone. We often fear failure, change, even our boss! We’ve been told time and time again to face our fears and get over it.
Fear is often seen to be limiting and we typically do our best to overcome it at the first opportunity. To a degree, science backs up this approach. When we are in “fight or flight”, our brains see three primary solutions to problems: fight, run, or freeze. Those might be effective solutions to dealing with a mountain lion on a hike, but they are often not the right approach to dealing with colleagues. Below, I’ll share some thoughts about how to overcome your fears.
But first, I want to share some thoughts on befriending and using your fear. Many of us do not realize is that fear can actually be good for us.
“Whoa, that’s crazy talk, Scott! You’re actually telling us that fear is something to be embraced or accepted?” Yes. The goal here is not to let fear rule your life, but to understand it, use it, and reap the benefits of experiencing fear in the workplace.
What then are the benefits of feeling afraid in the workplace?
Fear Helps You Grow
Remember the first time you were asked by your boss to take on a new task, project, or role for which you felt unprepared? Perhaps your palms got sweaty, your heart started racing, and yet you nodded your acceptance and then freaked out at your desk or at home?
We experience fear when we experience ourselves being pushed out of our comfort zone. We are wired to stick to what is familiar to us. We sometimes see change as a dirty word. But it doesn’t have to be.
It’s true that you will most likely not master the new task initially. However, as you do it more frequently, you eventually realize that what used make your afraid has become familiar and is now part of your comfort zone.
Moving out of your comfort zone – while fearsome and painful – makes you more employable, marketable, valuable. Mastery is a key human motivator. Use improvement to befriend fear and engage yourself and others on difficult challenges at work. Frame things that make you afraid as great challenges and opportunities.
Fear (of Failure) Helps You Be Better Prepared
When I first started speaking, as I was preparing for an event, a lot of unpleasant thoughts crossed my mind. “Did I put in enough information? Am I truly being helpful to my clients? Am I missing something that could make this workshop a failure?”
I didn’t want to fail my clients but I also didn’t want to trust my brain to remember all that I needed to do for my clients. The problem with fear is that when we are afraid, our prefrontal cortex (the command center of the brain, responsible for highest-order cognitive activities ) largely goes to the “back burner of the brain” as the
limbic system (amygdala and more) come to the “front burner”. That’s not a good state to be in when you’re trying to make sure you’re ready!
But if trepidation triggers action, it can be helpful. Since I wanted to make sure I was prepared, I came up with a checklist that I use whenever I have a gig with a client. This checklist helps me track what my client’s goals are, when the event is, and all the the tasks that I need to complete before we’re ready for the workshop.
My fear of failure helped me develop new tools and processes which in turn helped me be a better provider for my clients. How can your fear spur you to get better prepared?
When You Overcome Fear, You Become Stronger
Whenever you think of the most memorable achievements in your work life, what do you remember best? Do you reminisce about the times that you sat at your desk for 8 hours, nonchalantly typing away on your keyboard until it was time to go home? Or do you tend to remember the time when you had a heart-pounding presentation to a big client where you earned a win for your company?
I assume you remember those intense moments most of all. Why is this? We tend to remember the times when we felt a strong emotional attachment to an event. As Dr. Shahram Heshmat said, “Emotion affects all the phases of memory formation. In sum, much of learning takes place in the form of emotional learning. To make our memory stronger, it helps to attach emotional significance to objects and actions we experience.” (I cover this and other aspects of memory in my workshop Remember This: The Science of Learning and Memory.)
Our brains help us remember the peak (best and worst) moments that we experience. If we overcame a significant fear, we will remember that event. That memory will serve as a learning and growth experience and help you become more equipped to face similar challenges in the future. This makes you stronger and ready to face bigger fears the next time around.
But what if our fear is paralyzing?
If you are truly terrorized to the point that you freeze and take no action, that can be a serious problem at work. If none of the above have worked to help you befriend your fear, please see the Facebook Live video that I recorded today for several other ideas for managing and overcoming fear. And if you want still more ideas, you might check out The Courage Quotient: How Science Can Make You Braver by Robert Biswas-Diener; I reviewed this book for our recommended reading list.
Fear not!
Fear is a natural, normal occurrence in our daily lives. It can be a real problem if we let our fears control us. However, it can also be a great motivator if you know how to use it to your own benefit. Accept and embrace the fear that you feel – learn from it, grow from it, and use it to your competitive advantage.
As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Do the thing we fear and death of fear is certain.” May the death of your fear be the start of a positive change that could just be right around the corner for you!
Thanks in advance for sharing your thoughts here or on social media; that means more to me than you may ever know!