3 Ways to Choose Misery at Work
Why would you want to choose unhappiness at work? You probably wouldn’t unless you’re a masochist!
But too often, we do choose unhappiness. Not because we want it, but because we don’t know any better. I’d like to help anyone who doesn’t know better then making the misery-inducing choices below.
Compare Yourself to Others
Yes, we all do it. Yes, it’s natural. Yes, it can even be helpful; by bench-marking our performance against others, we can get a more objective assessment of our work. And the competition might be very motivating to some. Almost everything has advantages and disadvantages.
The disadvantages to comparing yourself to others is that you will be less happy. Studies suggest that as a result, your performance, energy, creativity, and resilience will also drop. So while the occasional comparison to others may be OK, do your best to minimize how often you make that choice. Performance evaluation systems that reward people on a curve–as Intel used to do when I worked there–encourages social comparison. I recommend against review and reward systems that pit people against each other, in part because they make people compare more, and feel happy less.
Instead, focus more often on yourself or your team. Where do you want to be? Where are you now? What can you do to keep moving forward and improving. To an extent, what anyone else is doing is totally irrelevant.
Focus On the Money and Power
It’s an easy trap to fall into. Many of us focus a lot on money, and many others focus on amassing power. These people are often ruthlessly trying to build their mini-empire inside larger companies, and move to the top.
The problem is, it doesn’t make you happy. Chasing money or power (or fame) is getting on what scientists call the “hedonic treadmill“. That is, you get hedonistic pleasure from a raise, a bonus, or a promotion. It feels great. For a very short time. Then you want and need more to feel happy again.
A much better approach, according to research, is to focus on quality relationships. Data indicates that once your basic needs are met, a lot more money might get you a little bit more happiness, for a while. After a certain point–$70,000 in the USA according to this study–more money doesn’t make any difference at all in your happiness.
High quality relationships, on the other hand, can be a huge source of happiness–and therefore better brain function–at work.
Think in Ruts. Think in Ruts. Think in Ruts.
Thinking at work is a good thing. I recommend it for most of your working time! (With a bit of your time, I recommend you meditate instead of think.)
Thinking the same thoughts over and over is a bad thing, especially for your mood. Studies show that people who tend to think repetitively–who ruminate or perseverate–end up less happy. Those who are able to get somewhere with their thoughts and move on end up less stressed and happier.
So if you notice yourself thinking in loops (more mindfulness will help you notice sooner, by the way), stop! Or go! Instead of having a back and forth or a loop in your logic, pretend your brain is two or more people talking through an issue. Structure the conversation as if several people were having it and trying to work it out. Sonja Lyubomirksy has great suggestions for overcoming repetitive thoughts in the book that got me started on this journey: The How of Happiness.
Your Choice
Unhappiness is not necessarily a bad thing. It’s inevitable that we all end up unhappy at some point, and those unpleasant feelings are normal, natural, healthy, and even helpful. But when we have the ability to choose more unhappiness or choose more happiness in our lives, I’m going to choose happiness. I hope you will, too. Not just so you feel better. Although that’s reason enough, you’ll also perform better, with more productivity, energy, creativity, and resilience to those inevitable hard times.
Thanks in advance for sharing your thoughts–or mine! 🙂